sentimental...

Dear Jack,

I just want you to know how much your mom misses you tonight. It's been 79 days since you were born, and in those 79 days I've learned more about love and pain than any other time in my life. Never before you did I understand just how completely one person could love another. But I know now, and it kills me not to be able to be with you like I would like. You're almost 3 months old now, and getting big. I just stare at you, amazed at how beautiful you've become. You've been beautiful to me from the first time I saw you, but now.. now you're absolutely breathtaking. You're my miracle.
Every night and morning I pray for you, my son. I pray for you to grow big and strong, to stop needing oxygen, and to be able to finish your bottles. I pray for you to not have complications, to not be behind in development. And most of all I pray for you to come home to me and your dad.
I hung a mobile in your room today. You got it during your shower. I held you, and put together this big mobile. It didn't fit right on your crib-- it's for normal cribs-- but the nurse helped me and now it's hanging over you. I wanted you to be able to have something nice to look at besides wires and monitors. It's made me inexplicably sad to look at, though, because you should be at home enjoying that, not away from us.
I'm trying really hard to be strong for you, Jack. To be there as much as I can, to hold you, read to you, feed you. Never doubt for a minute that I adore you, that I love you with all my heart, and I'd do anything in the world to take away the pain and discomfort that you're subjected to.

I love you, mi hijo. You are the light of my life, and the most important thing in the world to me. Please know that, even now, even when I'm unable to be with you. You are my heart.

love,
your mommy